Guess what?

Gossip. It is not a good thing. And my kids are at an age when they hear a lot of stuff and believe pretty much all of it. Wait, I take that back, they don't believe stuff I say, but they will believe what the kids on the bus tell them. Bobby kicked the school nurse in the leg. Really? Yes, really. How do you know? Because Maddie told me. Really? Well, how does Maddie know? Because she knows. Yes, well how does she know? Did she see Bobby kick the nurse? No. So, she doesn't really know if that's what happened. It's the truth. It did happen. How can you be sure? Because Maddie said so. When you are a mom of school age kids, this is the kind of conversation you have pretty much every day. And it's 10 times worse when your kid is around her friends. Just yesterday, I had three kids in the car and they were going on an on about some mess in the bathroom and they were saying they knew who made it and swore up and down that it was this specific child responsible for the mess. I'm telling you, one kid says something and the rest of them believe it. That poor kid could have been out sick yesterday and he'd still get the blame for the mess. I started to wonder how to teach the girls about gossiping. When does it cross the line from normal childish conversation to harmful and hurtful. To them, they are just stating the facts - Charles made a mess in the bathroom. To me, I picture poor Charles, shunned by his peers, sitting alone at the lunch table with people snickering behind his back, pointing at the kid who made the mess in the bathroom. He'll always be known as messy Charlie. He will never be in the "in" crowd. He won't have a date to prom. Or, I smile at the thought of messy Charlie embracing the title - even if he didn't make the mess, he will take the blame and say "Yeah, that's right. It was me. I made the mess. I am the biggest slob in the world. I am Mess Man!" And then all the kids cheer and hoist Charles up on their shoulders and parade his across the blacktop. Okay, wait, I got carried away and totally forgot what I was talking about. Oh, right, gossip. I know I expect too much from my kids. How can I ask them not to gossip when I do it too? If some mom gets on my nerves, of course I share that fact with a friend. Oh, I hear that teacher is getting transferred to another school. Oh yeah, that guy is so flirty with the pretty soccer coach. (PS - I'm making these up. I don't know of any teacher transfers or flirty soccer dads). I'm just saying that it's a fine line. I want my kids to engage in the fun and interesting conversations of youth. I guess I just want them to be the kind of people who, when they hear something negative about someone else, they don't believe it. They shrug off silly news of someone's elementary school escapades. They know that something isn't true and listen to the right things instead of the wrong things. They become a person known for not believing and engaging in gossip. Because, sooner or later, they will be the target of it anyway. So I'm making a mental note - if I don't have something nice to say about someone, I'll make sure to keep my mouth shut (especially in front of my kids!)