Mrs. Clean?

A clean house. Wouldn't it be nice if it just happened? If there was a button on the wall that you could just push and the floor would get mopped, the furniture dusted, the sinks and counters wiped down and every piece of dirt would disappear? Sure, that's just crazy talk, I know, but I think I would settle for a house that stayed clean for at least a day! No matter what I do, I can't keep up. It seems all I ever do is laundry, dishes, tidying, sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, you get the idea. We women have it rough. Even when we work outside the home, we've still got to come home and take care of it. Some people actually enjoy cleaning (crazy!) but not me. I'm more of the type of gal who likes things tidy but could really care less if there are water spots on my glasses. And speaking of glass, do I have to wash my windows too? I don't even think about stuff like that! And what's with cleaning things that are supposed to clean? Like, why do I have to clean my dishwasher? Isn't there soap in there cleaning it every time it cleans the dishes? I have to clean the vacuum and the mop and the sink. The sink? That should be a self-cleaner too! You're putting soap and water on it for crying out loud! But, in my house, that is one of the dirtiest things. Apparently, my daughter needs to squeeze toothpaste all over the sink before she puts it on her toothbrush. And then she must look at herself in the mirror when she spits out the toothpaste so it goes everywhere. And then she must rinse only half of it off her mouth and wipe the rest of the toothpaste on the hand towel and then she must throw that towel down on the sink before running out of the bathroom. The cleaning never ends!!!! Oh, here's another thing I never think about cleaning but apparently needs cleaning - the walls. What the heck is going on there? Do my children take liquid and squirt it on the walls? Do they have pencils in their hands and run up and down the hallway, banging into the wall? Do they take jelly sandwiches and paste them to the surface? Forget about light-colored walls. I don't really care about brightening and opening up my living space - I'm ready to paint every wall in my house dark brown. I wish I could be Martha-like, getting up at 5 every morning and actually enjoying the art of cleaning. I would have buckets of hot water and white vinegar and methodically scrub things until they sparkled. I bet Martha doesn't wipe her hand along a dresser as a dusting method. Do you think Mr. Clean would object to my using the washcloth from the girls' shower (when they're done with it, of course) to wipe off the top of the toilet? Hey, I'm doing my part for the environment. I'm not wasting paper towels or spraying harmful chemicals into the air. I think I could get used to dirt. Why not? My kids could build up a resistance to all sorts of horrible things once we develop a tolerance to dirt and germs. How about this - when I clean the microwave, I put a cup of lemon juice in a bowl and microwave it on high for 5 minutes. The juice boils and loosens and dirt and grease inside the microwave and clean up is a snap. Today, I'm going to boil about a gallon of lemon juice on my stove for about an hour and my hope is that all the dirt and grease in a 500-square-foot area will loosen up and I can clean the whole place in a snap. I'll let you know if it works. I might be onto something!