Good intentions

Alas, my family may have fun no more. Yesterday, in the mail, came a magazine - apparently my last issue of Family Fun magazine. It told me so very blatantly in red and white all over the front and back covers. My last issue. What should I do? I had been getting the magazine for so long that I never thought it would stop! A few gift subscriptions, a few fundraiser orders, a renewal here or there. How could this be? I figured I would just re-boot when my girls did their Girl Scout magazine sale (going on now, by the way if you're interested!) But, when I went to put the magazine in the basket in the bathroom, I realized there were two others in there that I hadn't finished reading. Hold on. Do you mean we haven't done a family fun project in three months? I can't believe it. I remember when I first started getting that magazine, I had the best intentions. I cut out articles and pictures and recipes. I had a notebook and a binder and a folder filled with wonderful ideas. But then something happened - I became one of those people that realized I could just look up stuff online when I wanted a recipe. Most times, I steal ideas from my friend Heidi after she posts them on her Facebook page. I haven't ever been the most crafty mom in the world, but someone is going to officially revoke my Martha Stewart fan club membership after this! I guess I did go out with a bang. I made that big owl out of a bunch of cupcakes. That certainly earns me an honorable mention, I'd say. Maybe I'll just renew the magazine anyway to create the illusion to myself that I will actually read it and then will actually do one of the projects it recommends. I might even find that notebook or the folder with all the ideas and recipes. I can always use it for kindling!

TechNO

I finally caved. I am now the proud yet extremely apprehensive owner of a smart phone. For a long time, I have resisted technological advancements. I've had a cell phone for close to 20 years, but the whole idea of using a phone for anything other than making a call just didn't work for me. Then I kind of caught on with the texting idea - the equivalent of sticking my toe in the technology pool. Now, it seems I've bellyflopped in with the iphone4s. I did want a smart phone - only because I was sick of having a dumb phone. I felt so left out of the revolution. You go into a store now and put your phone up to scan a code and get a coupon? What? Why can't I do that? Oh, because I have a dumb phone. I think the only reason I really got it is because my camera broke and I figured - why not get a phone that takes great pictures and save myself from buying a new camera and then having to remember it everywhere I go? And then the other thing - my 9 year old kind of embarassed me into it. You know Mom, if you had an iPhone, you could do this and if you had an iPhone, you could do that. It got to the point where I felt like the phone I was carrying had a cord and rotary numbers on it! But, seriously, I had to have my older sister come with me and tell me what to get. She's over there talking about gigs and I'm like "oooh, look at the shiny purple cover!" I know in her heart she realizes that I am not worthy of the iphone. She's got ipods and iphone and imac and ipad - pretty much an istore. I didn't even want to touch the thing until she put the cover on it! And, oh yeah, I couldn't figure out how to make a call so I needed her to show me that and the text thing and the email thing. I was like "whoa, slow down. is this the volume button?" Yeah, lame, I know. Completely undeserving. So, after the phone store experience, the 9 year old and the iSister made me go to Starbucks. Huh. If you think I've resisted technology, that is nothing compared to my resistance of Starbucks. Don't even get me started on that - uPeople are nuts with that whole thing. The lady in front of me got a grande half caf, nonfat, extra hot pumpkin chai. WHAT? What is that even? And how do you make coffee extra hot? I didn't even get anything - I just waited for them to do their thing and all you barista buddies know what they did. They pulled out the iSister's iphone and did some scanny thing and paid for the freakin' order! No, I say. NO way Jose! I will not conform. I will resist. I will use my new iphone the way God intended - to take cool pictures and play Angry Birds!

Fairies

You know how there's a tooth fairy? Well, not really, but someone somewhere started the tradition of leaving money under a pillow when a child lost a tooth. And that "fairy" has to do that job, right? So, I've decided I need some more fairies. I need a housekeeping fairy. Here's how I will get her to come. I will throw out a dish tonight and then tomorrow, there will be some glitter around the sink and all the dishes will be clean. I will throw out a sock and then tomorrow there will be glitter near the washer and all the laundry will be washed, dried, folded and put away. What? Isn't that how it works? You lose something and get something in return from the fairy? Listen, I'm willing to lose a lot of stuff if this fairy will make her way to my house. I'll lose stuff every day of the week if she would just come and do all the chores I don't want to do. I'll even leave her a present! I'm serious, if it means someone to clean my house every day? I'll yank out a molar!