Summer

Finally. School is over. I'm so not excited for me, but am soooo very happy for Caty. She absolutely hated first grade. It makes me sad that her first experience in a larger public school was like this for her. She wants to go back to Christian school, but it's not possible right now. The thing is that her first grade teacher was just awful. She was so strict. And, I know strict. 12 years in Catholic school makes me a strict teacher expert, I think. This lady went beyond that. She yelled at those poor kids every day. They got time-out. They got separated from the rest of the class. They got chastised and embarrassed and... well, it was not a good experience for any of them. So, Caty hates school. She'll have a great teacher next year, but won't have most of her BFFs in her class, so she's a little bummed. It's only the second day of the first week of her summer and things are going okay for now. The only reason is because my mom and older sister are home playing with the girls. If not, they would be beating each other up. Next week, they'll both have half-day gymnastics camp, so that should be a fun time too. We'll see. Wish me luck.

Beef

I don't have any problem raising tomboys. But, I do have a problem raising girls that have the manners of my husband. Seriously, I've got girls who now think it's funny to pass gas and then say "I just beefed." Really? This is sooo ladylike. I'm sure it's going to go over well with their future mothers-in-law! Or when they get invited to a black-tie alumni dinner at Stanford or when they're making their acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize. You're thinking that none of that will ever happen and you're right! You know why? Because they are learning their manners from a man who thinks it is okay to blow his nose in the shower! What am I going to do? I'm going to have to send my girls to a boarding school at Martha Stewart's Bedford estate just to rid them of the influence Caveman Chris has had on them. I have lost control over them! I can hear their lips smacking when they eat. I stand helpless as they pick wedgies in public. My little princesses are turning into frogs!

Precious

Today, I lost a friend that I have known my entire life - someone who is always a part of my memories of childhood. Of course, it breaks my heart that a woman who is only a couple of years older than me could die so suddenly. And, it just made me think "you never know." You really don't know God's plan, so you just don't know. It reminds me to laugh a little more. To let my kids be kids. To worry less about the laundry and more about playing outside. Every second I spend with my girls is a precious gift from God. I hope you feel that way about your kids too.

Crazy Kids

I don't get it. I consider myself a pretty calm person. Now, wait. I didn't say I was laid back or easy going. I know I am not those things. But, I'm calm. I'm not loud. I'm not crazy and wild and out of control. So, why are my kids like that? I don't understand. If you're tired, lay down. If you're hungry, eat. If you're thirsty, drink. These are not difficult concepts. I think even a child can understand them, don't you? So, why oh why oh why do my kids go ballistic on me when it's time to do anything? I do that whole countdown thing. I warn them. I let them know what's coming. I give them a chance to transition. But, then when it's actually time to get the pajamas on or take a bath or turn off the television or go to bed, they blow a gasket and go mental! I swear, my nearly four-year-old won't go to sleep until she exhausts herself and passes out! I mean it. I wish I was one of those moms that brings their child to bed, watches them lay down, reads them a story, kisses them good night, turns out the light and leaves the room. That will never, ever happen in this house. I know it's our fault (and when I say "our" I mean my husband) that my girls got spoiled. He always held them and laid near them when it was time to go to sleep. Now they want me to do it. But I can't just lay there. I have to read to them. I have to tell them stories. I have to hum. I have to tickle their tummies. I have to leave the light on. I have to get up and go get them water. I have to fix the blanket. You get the idea. So, really, I need help. I need these kids to just calm down already! Any ideas?

Still not cool

One of my ultimate goals in life is for my children to realize how cool I am. I mean, I think I'm cool and a few other people have mentioned it, so it must be true, right? Well, the 7-year-old apparently has other ideas of cool. Those ideas do not include me. She thinks my husband is cool. I don't know why! I keep trying to tell her that he had the same Dorothy Hamill haircut I did in elementary school. Doesn't that knock you down the cool-o-meter at least a point or two? Well, I'll have to settle for being a fun mom. Yesterday, during Caty's school picnic, I was chosen to be in charge of some of the games. Of the four games, I did 2 and Caty said those two were the best games out of all of them! They were water games, so of course they were fun. But, when the kids were getting bored with the water balloon toss, I made it a water balloon fight instead and got soaked in the process! All the other parents were laughing (and videotaping) but it was Caty's mom that was right in the middle of the party - running and splashing with the first graders. And that made my daughter dub me the funnest mom there. So, I guess I'll never be cool to my kids. But, I'll take fun. Fun isn't bad.

Grandparents

There is nothing I love more than watching my kids with their grandparents. I can't describe the feeling I get when I see it. Looking out the window as Sabrina and my mom bend over a plant in the garden or catching Caty and my mom sewing together. I can just imagine what she's saying to them, what she's teaching them. They're learning something they'll keep for life and they don't even know it. The girls love to walk the dog with Nonno or sit on the big swing and laugh with Abuela. With my dad, they want to show him everything and get him to fix stuff. On Christmas, it's Grandpa's job to take all the pieces out of the box and put everything together since he's always got a pocket knife! I wonder if my parents ever felt that way. Not that I had as much interaction with my grandparents as my kids do with theirs. I only met my mom's parents once (they lived in England) and, while I did spend time with my dad's parents, it wasn't necessarily educational. I remember watching Mets games with my grandfather and going to play bingo with my grandmother. But our life was so different. We lived in an apartment. We didn't plant flowers or tend a vegetable garden or save caterpillars until they became butterflies. We didn't have birdfeeders or worry about composting and the environment. Maybe that's what's different - the environment. I see my kids in this open, happy, natural environment, sharing time with my parents and my in-laws. And, maybe, when I'm older, I'll be blessed with the same awesome feeling while watching my girls play with their own kids!

Pest?

Did you ever meet one of those kids that is just annoying? A pest? A pain in the butt? Today, we're at Sabrina's farm class and there was this girl. She was about 4 and boy was she a little pest! She kept standing up when all the other kids were sitting. She kept talking when the teacher was talking. She kept asking questions and shouting out the answers. She kept disobeying the rules and putting her hands on everything. She stepped on the plants in the garden. She slipped into the food trough in the barn. She was just a little pain! Of course, her mother was oblivious. Maybe she was high on lithium or something, but she just seemed to either not care that her precious girl was a pill or she didn't think she was. Whatever. But, as I was watching little Miss Annoying, it got me wondering - what if something thinks that way about one of my kids???? My goodness! I'm sure the possibility exists, but I can't imagine it! Am I in la-la land like that other mom? Could it be that my kids annoy someone and I don't see it? No. There's no way!

Nine Years

That's how long it's been since the old ball and chain and I tied the knot. You're probably wondering what Mr. Romance did for me. A nice dinner? A trip somewhere special? Right now, those of you that know my husband are laughing. At least I got a card. This year it was even in English! You must know that one year my husband got me a Mother's Day card that was "for a wonderful caregiver." And he usually makes me drive him to the store and give him money so he can get the card. Chris and I just laugh about it but I wonder what the girls think. Caty gave us a Happy Anuversary card, which I thought was sweet. I just think that our ambivalent attitude towards romance might not be the best way to go when it comes to teaching our kids about marriage. I'm not at all touchy-feely and Chris, to me, is too much with the hugging and kissing. Maybe we should find a happy medium so the girls can learn what to look for in a happy marriage. Or, maybe, they can keep watching us be un-romantic and know what not to look for!

Duct tape

Today, Caty gets off the school bus and tells me she needs something for her shoes. This little imp proceeds to pull up the toe of her shoe and show me the giant hole where her foot pokes through! She says "Mom, do we have duct tape?" I love it! She wants duct tape or super glue to fix her sneaker. And she must have it for tomorrow because tomorrow is gym and she needs to wear her sneakers. She won't wear any other shoes! These sneakers are cute, I'll admit. They're blue denim slip-on that are all ripped-up looking. But, now they really are ripped up! And she refuses to throw them away. I've tried to convince her to get a different pair, but she likes these because they're cool. And what's even more funny is that I got them at Payless for like 7 bucks and I don't think she even liked them at first! And they smell. Bad. It's not pretty. It's not something you'd expect from a cute little 7-year-old! I tell you, for someone who is so concerned with looking pretty all the time, she doesn't care too much about pretty shoes. And it's not like she doesn't have other shoes! She's got a closet filled with flip-flops and high-heels and sandals and boots and loafers and whatever! She's a little Imelda Marcos for crying out loud! What is the fixation with the busted up sneakers? I don't know. I ordered her a new pair online. I hope they get here soon!

The ideal child

Today, my daughter had a playdate with one of her school chums. I love this little girl. She is so sweet and polite and, well, she's just a doll! Anyway, we're in the car and Caty sticks her arm out the window and her friend says "You can do that?" And Caty says, "Yeah, I'm doing it." And the friend says "Oh, I'm not allowed to do that." And, my lovely, wonderful daughter says... "Yeah, I'm not allowed to do it either." Yes, of course her arm was still out the window when she said it! Man, you'd think she would behave when we had company? Puh-leeze! I almost think this little girl is too nice to hang out with my kids! I think they were trying to corrupt her. I saw a lot of whispering and snickering going on out there! I just hope if I ever send my daughters over to someone else's house, they would be on their best behavior. I mean, I do try to teach them manners and to be obedient. I know it doesn't always work, but I'm trying. They better not make me look bad.

Daddy Brain

Oh no! My poor husband. He's got a bad case of Mommy Brain. You know that condition that strikes all women once they get impregnated and never seems to go away. No matter how much you try to shake it, that vapor sucking the life out of your brain continues to rattle around in there until it gets replaced by Old Lady Brain. Well, Chris has got it, I think. I'm sure of the fact that he can't remember a darn thing! If he did remember anything at all, the entirely too full garbage bag would not still be in the trash can in the kitchen. And the cereal bowl with the crusted-on frosted flakes would have been rinsed and put in the dishwasher, right? Oh, and he would have remembered that he finished the milk so he would have bought more. I'm sure all of these thoughts were in his brain at some point. What's that you say? He never even thought about rinsing that dish? He never considered emptying the trash? And by putting a sip of milk back into the jug, he really didn't finish it? Oh, I get it. He doesn't have Mommy Brain? It's a new problem, huh? Daddy Brain. Right. No cure, you say? Hmmm.

Lightbulbs

Got this in an e-mail and wanted to share since I say the same thing all the time! Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light Bulb? Woman's Answer: One! ONLY ONE! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged out to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! I'm sorry. What was the question?

Never go to bed angry

Just heard a great quote from BFFmg... Never go to bed angry. Stay up late and plot your revenge. There is something in the water, I think. Or in the air. Or in the moon or somewhere. Kids everywhere are sassing their parents. they're talking back. They're being fresh and obnoxious and difficult and they are DRIVING US CRAZY! What is the deal? If I hear another parent say "it's just the age" I will punch them. If I hear another parent say "it's a stage - you'll get over it" I will punch them harder. It's not the age - because every mom I talk to is going through it. We have kids of all different ages and stages. They have all different personalities and temperaments. But, one thing they have in common - they are being worse than awful! So, someone told BFFmg to take a few hours every week for herself. Are you kidding? If you're a control freak or an over achiever or just a good mom who worries more than she probably should about her children, there is no way you're leaving the house for a few hours to drink coffee and read a book. (Really, when is the last time you saw a mom relaxing at the Barnes and Noble cafe?) She said all she would be doing is thinking about things that needed to be done so what was the point of leaving the house? Okay, why do we have to leave the house in order to get peace? Why can't all the other people get out and leave us alone for a few hours???? What's wrong with that idea? Sure, we'll stay home and clean and organize and do the opposite of pampering ourselves, but at least we'll be alone! At least no one will be yelling and throwing things and fighting with their sister and spilling lemonade on the floor and drawing pictures on the couch and hiding gum in my shoe and, well, you get the idea. I'm on a mission to get these people out of my house. I need to relax!

No more TV?

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm not a TV junkie and I'm not the kind of mom that uses the TV as a babysitter unless it's really necessary. You know, like when you need a shower or you're trying to get dinner ready, etc. But, what do I do about the television? Caty is too old to watch Little Bear and Dora. I've been letting her watch shows like iCarly and Hannah Montana because they are rated Y7 and I've watched them with her and they seem pretty tame. She also likes reruns of Full House and I figure 'how bad could that lame show be?' Well, it was all fine and good until Carly started making out with some boy and Full House gave way to commercials about smoking, drugs, birth control and worse! What in the world is going on? At the mechanic one day, the set was tuned to some morning show and the commercial was about KY warming jelly! Really? I don't want my kids asking me what erectile dysfunction is or why we need to have the talk about drugs. It's not like I'm trying to raise my kid in a bubble. I know it would be nice to hold on to their innocence as long as I can. But, my daughter goes to public school on a bus so that's pretty much out of the question anyway. Can't they just go back to hawking cigarettes on television?