Sunday, October 23, 2011

Good intentions

Alas, my family may have fun no more. Yesterday, in the mail, came a magazine - apparently my last issue of Family Fun magazine. It told me so very blatantly in red and white all over the front and back covers. My last issue. What should I do? I had been getting the magazine for so long that I never thought it would stop! A few gift subscriptions, a few fundraiser orders, a renewal here or there. How could this be? I figured I would just re-boot when my girls did their Girl Scout magazine sale (going on now, by the way if you're interested!) But, when I went to put the magazine in the basket in the bathroom, I realized there were two others in there that I hadn't finished reading. Hold on. Do you mean we haven't done a family fun project in three months? I can't believe it. I remember when I first started getting that magazine, I had the best intentions. I cut out articles and pictures and recipes. I had a notebook and a binder and a folder filled with wonderful ideas. But then something happened - I became one of those people that realized I could just look up stuff online when I wanted a recipe. Most times, I steal ideas from my friend Heidi after she posts them on her Facebook page. I haven't ever been the most crafty mom in the world, but someone is going to officially revoke my Martha Stewart fan club membership after this! I guess I did go out with a bang. I made that big owl out of a bunch of cupcakes. That certainly earns me an honorable mention, I'd say. Maybe I'll just renew the magazine anyway to create the illusion to myself that I will actually read it and then will actually do one of the projects it recommends. I might even find that notebook or the folder with all the ideas and recipes. I can always use it for kindling!

Sunday, October 16, 2011


I finally caved. I am now the proud yet extremely apprehensive owner of a smart phone. For a long time, I have resisted technological advancements. I've had a cell phone for close to 20 years, but the whole idea of using a phone for anything other than making a call just didn't work for me. Then I kind of caught on with the texting idea - the equivalent of sticking my toe in the technology pool. Now, it seems I've bellyflopped in with the iphone4s. I did want a smart phone - only because I was sick of having a dumb phone. I felt so left out of the revolution. You go into a store now and put your phone up to scan a code and get a coupon? What? Why can't I do that? Oh, because I have a dumb phone. I think the only reason I really got it is because my camera broke and I figured - why not get a phone that takes great pictures and save myself from buying a new camera and then having to remember it everywhere I go? And then the other thing - my 9 year old kind of embarassed me into it. You know Mom, if you had an iPhone, you could do this and if you had an iPhone, you could do that. It got to the point where I felt like the phone I was carrying had a cord and rotary numbers on it! But, seriously, I had to have my older sister come with me and tell me what to get. She's over there talking about gigs and I'm like "oooh, look at the shiny purple cover!" I know in her heart she realizes that I am not worthy of the iphone. She's got ipods and iphone and imac and ipad - pretty much an istore. I didn't even want to touch the thing until she put the cover on it! And, oh yeah, I couldn't figure out how to make a call so I needed her to show me that and the text thing and the email thing. I was like "whoa, slow down. is this the volume button?" Yeah, lame, I know. Completely undeserving. So, after the phone store experience, the 9 year old and the iSister made me go to Starbucks. Huh. If you think I've resisted technology, that is nothing compared to my resistance of Starbucks. Don't even get me started on that - uPeople are nuts with that whole thing. The lady in front of me got a grande half caf, nonfat, extra hot pumpkin chai. WHAT? What is that even? And how do you make coffee extra hot? I didn't even get anything - I just waited for them to do their thing and all you barista buddies know what they did. They pulled out the iSister's iphone and did some scanny thing and paid for the freakin' order! No, I say. NO way Jose! I will not conform. I will resist. I will use my new iphone the way God intended - to take cool pictures and play Angry Birds!

Thursday, October 13, 2011


You know how there's a tooth fairy? Well, not really, but someone somewhere started the tradition of leaving money under a pillow when a child lost a tooth. And that "fairy" has to do that job, right? So, I've decided I need some more fairies. I need a housekeeping fairy. Here's how I will get her to come. I will throw out a dish tonight and then tomorrow, there will be some glitter around the sink and all the dishes will be clean. I will throw out a sock and then tomorrow there will be glitter near the washer and all the laundry will be washed, dried, folded and put away. What? Isn't that how it works? You lose something and get something in return from the fairy? Listen, I'm willing to lose a lot of stuff if this fairy will make her way to my house. I'll lose stuff every day of the week if she would just come and do all the chores I don't want to do. I'll even leave her a present! I'm serious, if it means someone to clean my house every day? I'll yank out a molar!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


When I opened up my email tonight, here is what I saw: "The Age Girls Can Start Wearing Thong Underwear". Um, what? I'm sorry. You must have sent this to the wrong person because, to me, the words girl and thong don't go together. The email was some type of summary of questions from some website for moms. I guess women go on there to ask for and/or give advice. Don't ask me how I got signed up for it, but the "unsubscribe" button has now been pushed. I wouldn't even consider clicking on the link. Honestly, if I was considering an underwear change for my child, I don't think I'd post about it on a website. And I'm sure if I clicked through and read comments from Taffy from Tallahassee who lets her 4-year-old Tiara wear thongs because they work better with her cheerleading/competitive dance/pageant outfits, I would just barf. Do they sell thongs for children? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know. I'm staying in my bubble and will continue to hope that my children don't ask me about things like thongs until they're at least 25. And when that happens, I'll be sure to post it somewhere to get your advice.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

On a mission

I am on a mission and I want you all to help. I need you and hope you'll enlist your friends and families in this mission. Here it is. I think we need to educate the world on one of those cell phone stupidities that seem to be getting worse and worse. Listen, we all know it's stupid to talk on the phone when driving and even dumber to text while driving. But, we're all probably guilty of it. I justify my stupidity by saying "oh, I'm on speaker phone" or "I'm at a red light" so I'm not as bad as these people who seem to be having hour-long, in-depth conversation with their long-lost friend across the country. But, there's no justification - it's wrong and we shouldn't do it. But that's not what I'm here to discuss today. If you want to talk on your phone when you're driving or when you're sitting in a restaurant or at your son's little league game or wherever, go ahead. But please, can you for one second get off the phone when you're on line in the store? Seriously. This is what we need to stop my friends. This is happening more and more these days. I just noticed it today in the dollar store. The woman in the store couldn't even be bothered to stop her conversation to tell the clerk which balloons she wanted. She just pointed. How rude was that? Obviously, this lady is very important. Her call must have been life or death. She must have been negotiating a peace treaty between warring nations while she was getting the balloons. Why else would she think it okay to not even acknowledge or address the girl behind the counter. There was no "thank you," no "have a nice day". Nothing. Just her free hand out with the cash and then grabbing the balloons and walking out the door. Why has this become an accepted practice in any establishment? There are some facilities that have signs asking people to not speak on the phone at the counter. You need a sign for that? Oh, I guess you do because there are people who do it. But, wait, those people are so rude that they probably don't care what the sign says. Like, they might just have an epiphany - "Oh, Gladys, the sign says not to talk on the phone at the counter. Let me go, hon, and we'll talk about your bunions later." Here's the way I see it - if I was at work and I was discussing a project with my co-worker, but she was talking on the phone, would that be okay? Or if I was asking my kids what they wanted for lunch and they just kept gabbing away on the phone with their BFFs - would that be okay? NO! Would you like to be the cashier at the grocery store who gets treated that way? I'm not saying you have to have a major talk with the kid while you're on line, but talking to someone on the phone when you are supposed to be communicating with another is just plain rude. Please, my friends, help me spread the word. Help me show people that this rude behavior can't be tolerated anymore. We can't keep blaming the world for all our woes when we are so self-involved and teach the next generation to be the same way! Okay, I'm getting off my soap box. I gotta go take a call.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Just a moment

Can you think back to a pivotal moment in a relationship you've had? Can you think of one thing that someone did or said to you that sticks in your head and will probably stay there forever? That's how it is with kids. Things stick with them - a lot more than we think they do. If my daughter can remember what her 2nd birthday cake looked like, I'm pretty sure she remembers something I said to her last week - well, unless it was "put your laundry in the hamper" or something like that. I don't even need to close my eyes to think back and remember some of the things my parents said to me. I can hear the words. In some of those cases, it was a really nice thing - in a couple, it was something that kind of hurt. Of course, my parents would never intentionally hurt my feelings. It was, most likely, just something that comes out in normal conversation. To adults, the things we say are just little nothings. They are meaningless to us. To kids, they might mean the world. So that one little second that slips by. The words that are said innocently - they might be the words that stick in your child's head. They might be the words that shape how she sees herself. they might be the words that come to her mind when she is deciding what to say to her child. So, the next time you say something and see your child pause at your words, think about what it was that you said and how they might feel about it. You may realize that it's not just a moment and it means more than nothing.