Falling Apart

So, I've been coming unglued for quite a while, right? It's getting worse. On top of the Brownies troop and the PTA board, I've got to find a job. And it might have to be full time! I know, I know, a lot of you working moms are saying "Big deal!" But, the idea of finding a job that pays a decent wage means I've got to commute pretty far. That will mean day care. Not looking forward to putting my little one somewhere. And, does that mean she has to quit nursery school? Or will I find someone who will drop her off and pick her up. Just feels like my life is unraveling right now. It's not falling apart just yet. It's just coming undone a little bit at a time and if I act fast, maybe I can keep it all together!

Random Thoughts

Got this in an e-mail from a friend and thought it was so perfect, so I had to share it. --More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me. --Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. --I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. --The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. --Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. --There is a great need for sarcasm font. --How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? --I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. --I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. --The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. --A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. --Was learning cursive really necessary? --I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. --Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". --How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? -- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! --MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. -- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. --I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. --Bad decisions make good stories. --Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem.... --You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day. --There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. --I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. --I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? --I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. --Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... --As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. --Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. --I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. --Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

Raising funds

Gotta tell you, if I get one more fundraising envelope sent home, I am going to flip. What is going on here? Sabrina is 4. Yesterday was her first day of pre-school. The first day. Yet, I got the fundraising packet at orientation the week before. I can't take it. The t-shirt and candles for Sabrina and then the catalog with $8 wrapping paper and $12 cookie dough for Caty. And, these are just the first. They are the big ones. Look, I know fundraising is necessary. I'm on my PTA board so I really know what it means to a school. And, yes, I do want my kids to be able to go on field trips and have special programs and all of that wonderful stuff. What I don't understandis why these companies gauge people and charge so much. Heck, I don't think I've ever in my life paid more than $5 for wrapping paper. Not because I'm cheap (I'm frugal) but because there is just no need to waste that much money on something that is just going to end up in a landfill. I cannot believe that the wrapping paper fundraiser is one of the most popular at our school. I love the spring plant sale. That might not be the best money maker, but boy does my garden look pretty! I will give money to the fundraiser. And I will do my duty and ask my parents and my friends and my in-laws and whomever else I can think of. Oh, by the way, if you didn't get my e-mail, you can feel free to contact me about buying stuff. Hint, hint. Wink, wink. It's just that I can't keep track of it all. There are 4 for my girls right now. There are nephews and cousins and BFFs kids and the list goes on and on. Then there will be Brownies and then my own causes. It's endless. I don't know how people do this stuff for a living. It's too bad there isn't one big organization that just has a bunch of money and, when we need it, we go and get it. Wouldn't that be nice? Did you know that you can just donate money to the PTA? You don't have to buy the candles or the paper or the $20 figurine for your mother-in-law. You can just write a check to the PTA. Isn't that wonderful? You can go do it right now. Send them to me. I'll make sure they get to the right place.

Torture

This evening, my youngest started complaining of a headache. Then she said her belly hurt and her knees hurt. She had a slight fever and actually asked to go to the doctor. So, we went - her moaning and crying and then falling asleep on the ride. Sabrina was pretty okay when we got there, but then the doctor came in and everything fell apart. She didn't want to open her mouth or say Ah or take a deep breath or do anything. Well, the pediatrician then announced she wanted to take a throat culture to test for strep. Uh oh. If Sabrina would actually speak, I could imagine her saying "No effin way lady." And here comes the nurse with the swabs. And what does she tell me to do? She wants my baby to hate me. I have to sit on the table and hold Sabrina on my lap. Then I have to hold down her hands and then I have to hold her nose. Okay, first of all, I only have two hands, so this is pretty difficult. But, do you know how bad I felt holding that little girl's nose closed to force her to open her mouth so the nurse could stick a long swab down there? I just wanted to die!! And, I think Sabrina wanted to be the one to make me die! It's hard to do things to our kids that cause them any pain. Even though we know it's for the best or it's something that must be done, it's still heartbreaking, isn't it? You'll be happy to know she got me back though. When we got home, she puked all over the place and let me clean it up. Round 1 - doctor. Round 2 - Breenie. Mommy never wins!

Mom Friends

You know, someone once told me not to worry about high school friends. "They won't last. It's the friends you make in college and after that will last a lifetime." I thought about that today after running into two friends that I have known nearly my entire life. Granted, I don't talk to them often, but when I do see them it's like no time had passed at all. I guess they're not really high school friends, since I met them when I was very young. And, I thought of the comment yesterday, when I spent the afternoon with three women I have known for fewer than five years, but feel like I've known forever. And I consider them all friends - way more than acquaintances. Any one of them I would help move, drive to the airport or bail out of jail. So, I wonder who my children will remain friends with? Will it be the children of my friends? Will it be their classmates? They're both already bummed because they're not in the same class with many friends from last year. Should I tell them what that person told me? "Don't worry. You'll make tons of new friends this year!" Really? They don't want to know that. Kids are afraid of the unknown. They get anxious. The prospect of new friends means nothing to them! They want the old friends back. Sometimes, I get that. I want a lot of my old friends back too. I wish I could go back and fix some of the broken friendships, try to stay in touch with the people that slipped away. But, the other part of me realizes there is nothing gained by looking back. I'm getting ready to step away from a group of women that has meant a lot to me over the past four years. And, as much as it hurts to let go, I know that I have to in order to be fully involved with the new group of parents I am joining as a mom of school-age kids. Now, I can have a friendship that doesn't necessarily include a playdate!

First day jitters

Tomorrow is the big day. Second grade! Caty is not at all excited. I was surprised she was asleep about 1 1/2 hours earlier than normal - I guess her anxiety couldn't beat out sheer exhaustion. She is angry that she has to go back tomorrow but Sabrina doesn't start pre-school until next week. Nothing is ever fair in her life, poor kid. So, I'm hoping tomorrow is an absolutely fantastic day for her. She hated first grade and is bummed that her BFFs aren't in her class this year. But, I'm sure she'll come home with some new girlfriends. There will be new stories and new adventures, I hope. I'm praying the excitement will rub off on her. Hey, at least she's jazzed about having a new outfit to wear. It's something, right?

Back to school

Is it possible to look forward to something, yet dread it, at the same time? School starts the day after tomorrow and as much as I've been waiting for the big day to arrive, I'm also wishing it was further away. I want Caty back in school just to give her something to occupy her time. She gets bored fairly quickly and school is a remedy for that. But, I love being with her. I love chillin' with her in the morning. I love the way she asks me a million questions. I love that she's still young enough to want to sit next to me and snuggle. But, I don't love the way she fights with her sister. And I don't love the attitude she gives me, so I am relieved that the dose of reality she'll get from school will minimize those issues. So, today and tomorrow are her last days of freedom. Sabrina doesn't start school until the 18th, and it's only pre-school so it's a few hours, three days a week. As much as I will relish that free time to do work and/or chores, it always leaves a void. It's strange that you can feel this physical loss when your kids are absent. I asked Caty if I could make a big poster that says Welcome Home and hold it up when her bus gets home on Wednesday. Her jaw dropped to the floor. I told her maybe I could rush onto the bus carrying balloons and singing about how glad I am to have her home. I thought she would faint. Maybe I should do it anyway, because deep down (way, way deep down) I know there is a little girl who is happy to have her goofy mom love her that much!

A brand new season

It's been a while since I've blogged and it seems that I never have the time to do this steadily. Actually, I probably do have time, but I spend it doing other things. Things where I don't have to think! So, a new page has turned on the calendar and it's a new month. September - one of my favorite months of the year. I love this time. Everyone is trying to hold on to summer, upset to see the sun fading sooner and missing the beach and the pool and the barbecues. Me? I say "See ya summer" without a look back. I love fall. It's so cozy and cool. It makes you want to be outside and get your cheeks chapped when there's a nip in the air. It reminds you of football and apple picking and jumping in leaves. And, next week, my oldest daughter starts second grade. I was so excited to buy her school supplies. We went shopping for a new pair of sneakers and it brought back memories of my first pair of "high" heels that I bought for school. Yes, I'm from a time when you had only a few pairs of shoes - one pair for school, one pair for play, one pair for church, parties, etc. She was a bit lost on the whole new shoe excitement. She wanted high heeled sneakers or ballet flats with rhinestones on them. And as I sat sharpening her 50 pencils, I could picture one of my old classrooms and remember the pencil sharpener mounted on the wall. Remember how awful it was when there was a loose one and the part with all the shavings would fall off and land all over your feet? (Please excuse my departure there) So, anyway, it's a new month, a new season and a new time. Make it a good one!