The Summer of See Ya!

 There are fewer than two weeks before my youngest daughter moves into college. My internal clock that is filled with sadness and memories and wondering if I bought enough body wash and the right kind of comforter do not match the clock that she has. 

Her clock has no alarm. It doesn't wake her up in the morning and have her pop out of bed ready to spend those last few days at home enjoying my company. Instead, her clock just keeps quiet until the afternoon hours when she finally wakes up.

It doesn't remind her that her mom is out in the dining room looking through a collection of photos, trying to find the best ones for her wall and getting sad about her leaving. It doesn't remind her that there are still a dozen things left on her must-have list that she has yet to pick out.

Her clock reminds her that it is time for her to get ready to go out with friends, spend hours around a firepit laughing or find a party. 

I wish that clock could start over. Not just because I wish I had more time with her, but because I wish she could get the last four years back. I wish she didn't have to cram a high school social life into a summer of "see ya". Like so many other people, my daughters both lost out on so much of high school. One was a senior and one was a freshman when the pandemic took away normalcy. The oldest didn't really care too much since she didn't like school anyway and didn't care about the traditional prom and graduation stuff. But, the youngest? She was hit....hard. She thrives when she is around other people and being isolated for two years took its toll. Even when kids started to go back to school, she could barely face it - her life was forever changed. So, she didn't get all her fun in during her senior year and is now trying to make up for it. 

That is why I have no problem with her clock. Mine is ticking and the minutes are going by too fast. My sadness is for myself and my loss but also for all the time she lost. I know that when she is a few years older, she will probably be thankful for missing so much of high school (let's admit it - high school kinda sucks) but I wish she got a bit of a do-over. 

And right now, I might just go and "accidentally" vacuum outside her bedroom door and if she happens to wake up, I won't be sad.