The olden days

This morning, Caty and I were driving to her swim lesson at Marist. And right there on Route 9 somewhere between home and the area around the mall, I got a glimpse of my past - a gold Cadillac Coupe de Ville. This is one of the few memories I have of my childhood when my parents were still married. My dad had a huge gold Caddy. The thing was a tank. I remember my sister and I sitting in the back and feeling like we were so far away from my mom and dad in the front. I mean, our feet barely hung over the front of the seat never mind touch the floor! I was telling Caty about that and how seatbelts were different back then and that we didn't even have to wear them. My lovely daughter asks "Mom, how come you didn't have to wear seatbelts back in the olden days?" The olden days? Did my child just say that to me? I am not even 40! How can she consider me old? Those few silver (not gray) hairs in my scalp are just a fluke, a sign of stress - not at all related to my age! But, she's right. To her, I'm olden. When I was Caty's age, my mom was 34 and my dad was 32 and I thought they were old! I thought my dad was the king of cool. He would come home and sit in his brown velour, plastic-covered "dad chair" and drink his 7 and 7 and put his cigarettes out in that giant colored glass ashtray that sat on the marble inlay of the side table. His feet rested on the rust colored shag carpet and he watched our wooden console television. I still think my dad is awesome, but back then he was like Superman to me. That is such a huge responsibility! And the more I think about it, the more I worry that I am doing things right now that will affect my kids for life. I felt so bad this weekend because Caty just seemed bored. I wish we lived in a neighborhood with younger kids. I wish it didn't have such a busy road and there was someone nearby that she could just play with. My parents didn't have to entertain me when I was a kid. I had the park and the kids in the neighborhood and we just went outside and played. I know it was a different time. I miss it. Not just for me, but for my kids. It's not that I want to just send them out the door after breakfast and see them back at dinner. I want them to be so absorbed in life and playing and friendship and fun that they don't want to come back in the house! I want the olden days for my girls!

I need a vacation from my life

Not that I have it that bad, but I really, really, really, really wish I was anywhere other than here today. My kids are seriously misbehaving. Not just the everyday driving me nuts being nuts and fighting with each other. This is insanely out of control. From the minute Caty woke up, she was not happy. She didn't want to go to swim lessons. She complained the whole time. She told me she was never going back and didn't care if I wasted my $95. She hates me and swimming and her sister and everything else in the world. She wishes she didn't have a sister. I don't get that. My older sister is 10 months my senior (Yes, her birthday is in March and I was born the following January. And don't make any snide comments.) Anyway, we've never really been close friends and didn't play much together once we got to be school age. But, I don't think I was ever this awful to her. I can't remember ever being so cruel or having such hatred in my heart for my sister. Right now, I am at MILs house. As usual, hubby took off to see a friend - apparently a guy who is afraid of other people's families because Chris never brings the kids with him. The girls beg to come to Yonkers. They love spending time with their abuela. Today is a different story. Caty is a mess. She is absolutely awful. Beating her sister, being disobedient. She's like the "before" video on an episode of Supernanny. She's totally out of control. It's oozing out of her body and she's even taking it out on my MIL. It's nuts. I'm losing it. My FIL must have some good Italian wine somewhere in this house and I'm ready to down it - and I don't even like wine! Somebody help.!!

Every mom is different

This week, I suffered an eye injury. Nothing major, but I had to see my doctor and then an opthal... an eye doctor for scratches on my eye. Both times, I had to bring one or both children with me. My kids, for some reason, act like complete goofballs when we get into a doctor's office. They also act pretty goofy in the bank. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the smell of money. Anyway, both doctors that I saw are women, but I was so amazed by how differently they handled my girls. In the first case, it was a regular internist - not my normal doctor. She was around my age and said she was a mom. I didn't go any further in the conversation because I just wanted to get out of there. My first clue that I didn't like the woman is when I told her I hurt my eye and she asked if I went to the eye doctor. I felt like saying "Yeah, I did, but I figure they're not really eye experts like you are!" Duh. My kids were being silly but they weren't doing anything harmful. They were bored. She snapped at them pretty fast and they looked pretty shocked and scared. I was okay with it because it saved me from scolding them. But, today, at the eye doctor, I had only Sabrina and we were around some pretty high-tech equipment that she really could have done damage to. The doctor, a mom of four, was so calm and cool about the whole thing. She was so sweet and patient with Sabrina. It made me wonder if she was so calm because she'd been through it all with her four kids, ranging in age from 12 to 3, or if she was just a nice, relaxed, patient woman. I am more like the first woman. I wish I could be more like the second. Maybe I should have two more kids and that will make me more calm. Ha. Oh, man, I just almost peed my pants from laughing so hard. Two more kids! That's a good one.