Lightbulbs

Got this in an e-mail and wanted to share since I say the same thing all the time! Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light Bulb? Woman's Answer: One! ONLY ONE! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged out to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! I'm sorry. What was the question?

Never go to bed angry

Just heard a great quote from BFFmg... Never go to bed angry. Stay up late and plot your revenge. There is something in the water, I think. Or in the air. Or in the moon or somewhere. Kids everywhere are sassing their parents. they're talking back. They're being fresh and obnoxious and difficult and they are DRIVING US CRAZY! What is the deal? If I hear another parent say "it's just the age" I will punch them. If I hear another parent say "it's a stage - you'll get over it" I will punch them harder. It's not the age - because every mom I talk to is going through it. We have kids of all different ages and stages. They have all different personalities and temperaments. But, one thing they have in common - they are being worse than awful! So, someone told BFFmg to take a few hours every week for herself. Are you kidding? If you're a control freak or an over achiever or just a good mom who worries more than she probably should about her children, there is no way you're leaving the house for a few hours to drink coffee and read a book. (Really, when is the last time you saw a mom relaxing at the Barnes and Noble cafe?) She said all she would be doing is thinking about things that needed to be done so what was the point of leaving the house? Okay, why do we have to leave the house in order to get peace? Why can't all the other people get out and leave us alone for a few hours???? What's wrong with that idea? Sure, we'll stay home and clean and organize and do the opposite of pampering ourselves, but at least we'll be alone! At least no one will be yelling and throwing things and fighting with their sister and spilling lemonade on the floor and drawing pictures on the couch and hiding gum in my shoe and, well, you get the idea. I'm on a mission to get these people out of my house. I need to relax!

No more TV?

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm not a TV junkie and I'm not the kind of mom that uses the TV as a babysitter unless it's really necessary. You know, like when you need a shower or you're trying to get dinner ready, etc. But, what do I do about the television? Caty is too old to watch Little Bear and Dora. I've been letting her watch shows like iCarly and Hannah Montana because they are rated Y7 and I've watched them with her and they seem pretty tame. She also likes reruns of Full House and I figure 'how bad could that lame show be?' Well, it was all fine and good until Carly started making out with some boy and Full House gave way to commercials about smoking, drugs, birth control and worse! What in the world is going on? At the mechanic one day, the set was tuned to some morning show and the commercial was about KY warming jelly! Really? I don't want my kids asking me what erectile dysfunction is or why we need to have the talk about drugs. It's not like I'm trying to raise my kid in a bubble. I know it would be nice to hold on to their innocence as long as I can. But, my daughter goes to public school on a bus so that's pretty much out of the question anyway. Can't they just go back to hawking cigarettes on television?