No comparison

Now that my youngest daughter is away at college, I find it even harder to share things about my journey through motherhood. There are days when I see other people posting on social media about the incredible time they are having. There are days when my daughter sees the same thing. There are even days when I will get a text or an e-mail from an acquaintance asking me how she is doing. My answers have gotten more and more generic. I feel like if I tell someone about a struggle, they respond with "it will get better" and then tell me how their child is smashing it. 

Sometimes, it is hard to be happy for other people's happiness. I realize that their joy is theirs to have and I should celebrate with and for them. The paranoid side of me thinks they are only getting in touch so they can wave their child's success in my face. I know that is silly and probably untrue, but it still feels that way at times. 

I try to appease myself by thinking that so many people these days live an Instagram life. They post pics of their happy family online, taking wonderful vacations and posing in matching outfits on the beach or at the apple orchard. None of us really sees what they are actually like at home or what they might be suffering through so judging and comparing isn't really fair. I need to just respond to the text with "That's great!" like the post and heart the picture and be happy for their happiness. 

I wonder if my mom worried about me when I was away at school the way I worry about my daughter. College for me was a loooong time ago. I don't remember if I was afraid or worried or anxious. There was no ability to text or FaceTime and my first semester meant calling home from a payphone in the hallway so I am sure there weren't that many calls. I also had a very different upbringing than my kids. I was what people called a "latch key kid". Mine was a single mother who worked, so when my sister and I were old enough, we walked home from school and did our homework (well, she did) and chores (again, she did) and fended for ourselves until she came home from work. I drove my kids to school (until they could drive themselves), they came to my office and then the pandemic made me a work-at-home mom. But my mom didn't have to deal with social media. She only had to deal with the other moms walking past them on the front stoop or if she happened to pass them in the store aisle.

Many of these parents who tell me how great their kids are doing are also the same parents that didn't go to orientation or didn't know what time high school graduation started or didn't wonder what classes were best for their major. It might not be that they don't care, but they are doing the right thing and letting go little by little and giving their child more independence. None of us is perfect. None of us is doing it the right way. We are all just doing it the best way we can. So no more comparing. I will keep loving your posts and will try harder and harder to mean it.