You know the story Goldilocks and the Three Bears - the girl tries everything until she finds the right fit. The porridge is too hot or too cold. The bed is too firm or too soft. But when she finds the one that is "just right" she is happy. I think that is like adolescence, but without the actual happy part.
When you are between the ages of 12 and 17, you are in this awkward area. You're too young to be considered an adult and you're too old to be considered a child. So where do you fit in?
Junior high and the first half of high school are probably the most difficult times in your life. Everything is changing in your world - your body, your friends, your education, your thoughts. And with all of this change, there is bound to be uncertainty and stress and questioning and insecurity. Some people handle it better than others. Some people just kind of ignore it. Some people give into it full on and can't make a decision about anything. (I know this is true because I am asked daily if a scrunchie matches a shirt or if black Vans are better with this outfit than black Nikes or if certain homework should be done in pencil or pen).
With all of these stressors, kids really don't have the experience or mindset yet to manage certain things. Life is hard right now and sometimes teenagers don't know which way is up. It's hard for adults to remember that age. Sure, we remember things that happened during that time period, but do we really remember how we felt about life? Do you remember how you got butterflies in your stomach every morning before school because a certain girl was in your first period class. Do you remember how scared you were the first time you drove a car or applied for a job? Do you remember feeling doofy because you were taller (or shorter) than every other kid 7th grade? Or that you cried the night before school pictures because you hated your smile with braces? Or that you wished you could drop out of school because you tripped up the steps in front of the entire student body? All stupid little things that seem like nothing in hindsight, but mean the world to a teenager.
How do you help a kid cope with that? How do you help a girl not care that her hair isn't curling exactly how she wants or tell a boy that the giant zit in the middle of his forehead is barely noticeable? How do you deal with a kid who one day doesn't mind watching cartoons but the next day wants to watch Fox News and talk to you about politics and the environment. How do you keep your son's mind pure when the girls at school are wearing next to nothing? How do you help your daughter understand that the popular kids at school are almost always the meanest kids at school?
And as hard as this time is for these kids, how about us parents? How the heck are we supposed to cope? I don't want to fast forward (because time passes by fast enough as it is) but I wish I had something that could show them the future. Just a glimpse of it. I would love for them to see that life gets easier and less awkward. Not all their questions will be answered, but it will definitely get better.
So until they are old enough to be considered an adult, I will still let them act like kids whenever they want. So if you see my 13-year-old trick or treating with her friends, give her a piece of candy. If she sits on the swings in the park, don't give her a nasty look as you walk by with your toddler. Let them be kids for as long as they can because they deserve to enjoy their youth.
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