The other day, I asked my Girl Scout troop if they ever thought what they would look like when they get older. Would they have the same style? Would they still have the same hairstyle? These are girls who have seen my prom picture so you can imagine that an entire discussion ensued about big hair and 80s fashion. Of course, they think it's so very funny to laugh at this old lady. And then I remind them that it was my generation that made acid wash and ripped jeans a trend and that we rocked denim jackets and cropped sweaters before they did. And that shuts them up because they don't want to admit that their moms were once cool and actually wore mom jeans before mom jeans were called mom jeans.
And just after that discussion, I received some old photographs from my aunt that I had never seen before. They were of my mom at different ages. From the time I was born until she died nearly four years ago, my mother rocked at least a dozen different hair styles. Back in the 70s, there was a wig involved to give her a bouffant. In the 80s, she wore curlers to bed every night. She had big hair, short hair, brown hair, blondish hair, grey hair, white hair. And it didn't just change in her adulthood. In every one of those old photos, she was in a different hairstyle. I barely even recognized her in a bob. Sometimes she had curls, sometimes not. I'll never know why my mother changed her hair so much. Maybe she was bored. Maybe she was insecure about it. But, I do know that it was always different. And I also know that my kids have never seen me with different hair.
Sure, they've seen photos of the mullet, the shaved sides, the perm (oh Lord, the perms!), the bangs, the sun-in. But, in real life, they've only seen the brown, pin-straight, no-bangs, shoulder-length hair. Is this my mom hair? Is this the hair I will have for the rest of my life?
How will you know? Is there an age when you just decide that this will be your hairstyle forever? It's got to be much easier for guys, right? Do they worry about their part? Do they think about the color? Do they imagine that their hairstyle defines them?
Obviously, the style we choose may not be the most trendy or fashion-forward. If it was, they wouldn't have so many Mom Makeovers on the Today Show. Not that I really care about trends. My idea of doing my hair is washing it, combing it and leaving the house. I don't need hair that needs maintenance. So maybe I will stick the hairdo I have. It's plain and boring and easy to manage. Or I could always get a perm. I think my kids would love that.
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
Anything but vegan
Oh Sweet Mother Moses, my oldest daughter is thinking about becoming a vegetarian!
It started a few months ago when she gave up beef. Then, she gave up pork (She waited until she ate a Cuban sandwich in Miami before doing it though!)
She's been doing really well with her plan. Unfortunately, the only protein she eats is chicken. No eggs. No fish. No turkey.
So, guess what we eat for dinner nearly every night of the week? Yup, chicken.
Now, I'm not a bad cook, but I'm starting to feel like Bubba in Forrest Gump listing all the types of chicken I've been making. There's teriyaki chicken. Chicken empanadas. Chicken Francese. Chicken Piccata. Chicken cutlets. Buffalo chicken. You get the picture.
But, what the heck am I going to do if this kid really throws in the towel on the meat game and stops eating chicken?
I've been formulating a plan to make her go and live with my father. He's been a vegetarian for more than 30 years and would be the perfect cooking companion for her. But, I like my daughter and wouldn't force her to live with my dad so that plan is out the window. Maybe, I could get him to make her some meals. He likes to make pizza with his "pepperoni" and "sausage". Seriously, dad, if you're going to eat processed meats at least eat REAL meat!
I told her that if she was really serious about this, she'd have to pitch in. I am certainly not cooking two dinners a night. So, she started an instagram page (Vegeteenian) and is now collecting recipes for her new vegetarian lifestyle. She wants to be a chef, but I stymie that dream because her cooking means hours of me cleaning the kitchen when she is done. I guess I will have to cave and let her have at it because I don't know if I can handle another night of chicken or pasta.
Today, she sent me a bazillion texts about cheese and how it's not vegetarian because it has rennet in it and then she began to tell me what rennet was and I told her to stop telling me what is in my food. Believe me, I spent much of my life with a father telling me to "kiss the hot dog before you eat it" because hot dogs are full of pig lips and other parts. Now, I have my kid telling me I can't have gorgonzola on my salad because it contains something from an animal? Come on! She's killing me.
If she becomes a vegan, I will lose my mind.
Tomorrow, for dinner, I'm going to have a bacon burger with four different kinds of cheese. I may fry an egg and put it on top. And I'm going to eat it on bread with extra gluten. She can fend for herself.
It started a few months ago when she gave up beef. Then, she gave up pork (She waited until she ate a Cuban sandwich in Miami before doing it though!)
She's been doing really well with her plan. Unfortunately, the only protein she eats is chicken. No eggs. No fish. No turkey.
So, guess what we eat for dinner nearly every night of the week? Yup, chicken.
Now, I'm not a bad cook, but I'm starting to feel like Bubba in Forrest Gump listing all the types of chicken I've been making. There's teriyaki chicken. Chicken empanadas. Chicken Francese. Chicken Piccata. Chicken cutlets. Buffalo chicken. You get the picture.
But, what the heck am I going to do if this kid really throws in the towel on the meat game and stops eating chicken?
I've been formulating a plan to make her go and live with my father. He's been a vegetarian for more than 30 years and would be the perfect cooking companion for her. But, I like my daughter and wouldn't force her to live with my dad so that plan is out the window. Maybe, I could get him to make her some meals. He likes to make pizza with his "pepperoni" and "sausage". Seriously, dad, if you're going to eat processed meats at least eat REAL meat!
I told her that if she was really serious about this, she'd have to pitch in. I am certainly not cooking two dinners a night. So, she started an instagram page (Vegeteenian) and is now collecting recipes for her new vegetarian lifestyle. She wants to be a chef, but I stymie that dream because her cooking means hours of me cleaning the kitchen when she is done. I guess I will have to cave and let her have at it because I don't know if I can handle another night of chicken or pasta.
Today, she sent me a bazillion texts about cheese and how it's not vegetarian because it has rennet in it and then she began to tell me what rennet was and I told her to stop telling me what is in my food. Believe me, I spent much of my life with a father telling me to "kiss the hot dog before you eat it" because hot dogs are full of pig lips and other parts. Now, I have my kid telling me I can't have gorgonzola on my salad because it contains something from an animal? Come on! She's killing me.
If she becomes a vegan, I will lose my mind.
Tomorrow, for dinner, I'm going to have a bacon burger with four different kinds of cheese. I may fry an egg and put it on top. And I'm going to eat it on bread with extra gluten. She can fend for herself.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Higher Standards
Yesterday, I realized that I am not cut out to be the mother of an 8th grader.
I don't really know why I keep putting myself into situations where I have to be in constant contact with tweens and teens (PTA, Girl Scouts, etc) because I just don't get them.
When people say, "Don't you remember what it was like being that age?" I can honestly say "No." I don't remember. Not because it was 30+ years ago, but because it really wasn't a memorable time in my life. And, if 8th grade was anything like it is now, I really don't want to remember it.
I mean, I do remember the people, but not the situations. I don't remember there being a lot of fights in school and bullies and girls dressed like hoochies and kids yelling at teachers. I'm sure when I was 13 everything seemed important and I was probably dramatic and cared what people thought of my acid-washed jeans. But, I don't think it consumed me like it does with so many kids today.
What the heck is going on in our schools and our society? Why is it okay for kids to talk back to adults, disobey rules, shirk responsibility and disrespect themselves, their peers and their elders?
Why don't kids have any punishment or consequences? Why are kids allowed to just do and say whatever they want with no repercussions? WE are the adults here. Why are we not taking charge? Why are we letting our kids come home and tell us stories about fights in their schools every day and letting that information slide off our backs like it's acceptable?
I hear these moms talk about their kids and their groups of friends and say "They're good kids." But, meanwhile, those good kids are in your basement watching fight videos and making fun of one girl's clothes and another boy's sexuality.
I guess my definition of good is different. Being a good kid doesn't mean getting good grades. Being a good kid doesn't mean not committing crimes. It means you're the kind of kid that doesn't exclude a girl from a conversation because she "stole" your boyfriend. It means you're the kind of kid that doesn't push past someone in the locker room because he looked at you funny. When you're a good kid, you don't smile at someone and then talk about them behind their back. You don't make fun of them and say "just kidding." You don't stand around watching kids fight and then later watch it on a Snapchat video.
Is that why we don't do anything about this wave of jerkness running rampant through our neighborhoods. What do I care? My kids are "good". They get good grades. They participate in sports. They work. They volunteer. They don't punch anyone in the cafeteria. Why should it bother me that kids hear cursing and slurs and verbal attacks and sexual innuendo while they may just be trying to get through their jelly sandwich and carrot sticks? Why should I care when I see a student disrespect a teacher? Why should I care that my child is following a kid on Instagram who acts like a hoodlum?
Someone very wise recently told me that the problem in society now is that we keep getting further away from God. I am in complete agreement with that. But, even if you aren't, you've got to believe that we are becoming more and more comfortable with a lack of respect, loose morals and lower standards of values. The people who are acting badly without consequence seem to outweigh the good. Kids see their peers cursing and sassing teachers and not getting in trouble. Kids see their peers not trying hard in class and not caring. Kids see everyone get treated the same way no matter if they deserve that treatment or not. So, why should kids even try? So, I study every night and get good grades and listen to the teacher, but the kid sitting next to me never does his homework and mouths off to the teacher? Huh. He gets to do that and get away with it, so why should I even bother? I don't get special treatment for my hard work, but he gets special attention for being bad?
When kids are bad in school, they get in-school restriction. What the heck is that you ask? Oh, that's the punishment you get for being bad. You get to skip class and go sit in a room and be on your phone all day. Wow. Tough punishment. If I had that in high school instead of after-school detention (or worse, before-school detention), I probably would have gotten in trouble a lot more.
But now, more kids see that the bad behavior is what gets the attention. And they see that bad behavior has no consequence. So what is keeping them from giving up and just becoming the bad kid? More often than not, it's their PARENTS. Yes, you. The people at home that are weaving their moral fiber. When I was a misbehaving child at school. I had a mother who would punish me at home. My friends all had parents like that. If you got in trouble in school, the punishment was usually worse at home! What do we have now? We have parents that fight with school administrators and teachers and demand that their children are treated "fairly." So, the schools back off and let the kids get away with too much. Listen, I don't expect the school to be the only disciplinarian in my child's life, but I certainly expect it to be a place where they feel safe, where they don't have to be subjected to violence and where they know that if they do something wrong, they will be called on it.
We have got to stop catering to the lowest common denominator. We have got to start holding people accountable for bad actions and holding them to higher standards. I know some kids have nothing to look forward to when they go home, so isn't it our job to make sure they have something to look forward to when they get to school? I want my kids to respect authority. If my kid is being a little snot to you, set her straight and then make sure you let me know about it. I have a drawer of wooden spoons waiting.
I don't really know why I keep putting myself into situations where I have to be in constant contact with tweens and teens (PTA, Girl Scouts, etc) because I just don't get them.
When people say, "Don't you remember what it was like being that age?" I can honestly say "No." I don't remember. Not because it was 30+ years ago, but because it really wasn't a memorable time in my life. And, if 8th grade was anything like it is now, I really don't want to remember it.
I mean, I do remember the people, but not the situations. I don't remember there being a lot of fights in school and bullies and girls dressed like hoochies and kids yelling at teachers. I'm sure when I was 13 everything seemed important and I was probably dramatic and cared what people thought of my acid-washed jeans. But, I don't think it consumed me like it does with so many kids today.
What the heck is going on in our schools and our society? Why is it okay for kids to talk back to adults, disobey rules, shirk responsibility and disrespect themselves, their peers and their elders?
Why don't kids have any punishment or consequences? Why are kids allowed to just do and say whatever they want with no repercussions? WE are the adults here. Why are we not taking charge? Why are we letting our kids come home and tell us stories about fights in their schools every day and letting that information slide off our backs like it's acceptable?
I hear these moms talk about their kids and their groups of friends and say "They're good kids." But, meanwhile, those good kids are in your basement watching fight videos and making fun of one girl's clothes and another boy's sexuality.
I guess my definition of good is different. Being a good kid doesn't mean getting good grades. Being a good kid doesn't mean not committing crimes. It means you're the kind of kid that doesn't exclude a girl from a conversation because she "stole" your boyfriend. It means you're the kind of kid that doesn't push past someone in the locker room because he looked at you funny. When you're a good kid, you don't smile at someone and then talk about them behind their back. You don't make fun of them and say "just kidding." You don't stand around watching kids fight and then later watch it on a Snapchat video.
Is that why we don't do anything about this wave of jerkness running rampant through our neighborhoods. What do I care? My kids are "good". They get good grades. They participate in sports. They work. They volunteer. They don't punch anyone in the cafeteria. Why should it bother me that kids hear cursing and slurs and verbal attacks and sexual innuendo while they may just be trying to get through their jelly sandwich and carrot sticks? Why should I care when I see a student disrespect a teacher? Why should I care that my child is following a kid on Instagram who acts like a hoodlum?
Someone very wise recently told me that the problem in society now is that we keep getting further away from God. I am in complete agreement with that. But, even if you aren't, you've got to believe that we are becoming more and more comfortable with a lack of respect, loose morals and lower standards of values. The people who are acting badly without consequence seem to outweigh the good. Kids see their peers cursing and sassing teachers and not getting in trouble. Kids see their peers not trying hard in class and not caring. Kids see everyone get treated the same way no matter if they deserve that treatment or not. So, why should kids even try? So, I study every night and get good grades and listen to the teacher, but the kid sitting next to me never does his homework and mouths off to the teacher? Huh. He gets to do that and get away with it, so why should I even bother? I don't get special treatment for my hard work, but he gets special attention for being bad?
When kids are bad in school, they get in-school restriction. What the heck is that you ask? Oh, that's the punishment you get for being bad. You get to skip class and go sit in a room and be on your phone all day. Wow. Tough punishment. If I had that in high school instead of after-school detention (or worse, before-school detention), I probably would have gotten in trouble a lot more.
But now, more kids see that the bad behavior is what gets the attention. And they see that bad behavior has no consequence. So what is keeping them from giving up and just becoming the bad kid? More often than not, it's their PARENTS. Yes, you. The people at home that are weaving their moral fiber. When I was a misbehaving child at school. I had a mother who would punish me at home. My friends all had parents like that. If you got in trouble in school, the punishment was usually worse at home! What do we have now? We have parents that fight with school administrators and teachers and demand that their children are treated "fairly." So, the schools back off and let the kids get away with too much. Listen, I don't expect the school to be the only disciplinarian in my child's life, but I certainly expect it to be a place where they feel safe, where they don't have to be subjected to violence and where they know that if they do something wrong, they will be called on it.
We have got to stop catering to the lowest common denominator. We have got to start holding people accountable for bad actions and holding them to higher standards. I know some kids have nothing to look forward to when they go home, so isn't it our job to make sure they have something to look forward to when they get to school? I want my kids to respect authority. If my kid is being a little snot to you, set her straight and then make sure you let me know about it. I have a drawer of wooden spoons waiting.
Monday, January 14, 2019
Not a dreamer
This morning, the photo that scrolled across my computer screen was from the library of my youngest child. It said "Just because your dreams didn't come true doesn't mean mine won't."
WHAT?
Wait. Is that directed at me or is it just one of those random poetic thoughts that tweens and teens have? I mean, was this from her old phone or was it recent? I'm wracking my brain trying to think of the last time I hooked up her phone to download photos. Or is this from the Cloud and she wrote it yesterday? She's already left for school so I can't ask her and now I have to wonder for the rest of the day if she thinks that I think that my dreams haven't come true.
I will admit, I am not a dreamer. I don't have lofty goals or big plans. I just want to be alive, be happy and watch my kids do great things. I try to encourage them every day to believe in themselves and their abilities and to have ambition and drive. But, if I'm happy with the status quo, does that mean that they will be too?
I'm sure there are times when I discourage them from doing certain things because I think they will end in complete failure and disappointment. Yes, it's a hard part of parenting to watch your kids fail and be sad or disappointed. But, it's a necessary part of parenting. Kids do need to learn that not everyone can be in first place (unless you play youth rec sports - then everyone gets a trophy no matter if they are undefeated or never won a game).
When I was a kid, I was encouraged by one parent and discouraged by another. I never had the mindset to be wildly successful at anything. I have some talent and skill so I can find a good job. I feel like I am one of those people that is pretty good at a lot of things but not great at any one thing. I don't want my kids to feel that way. I want them to understand reality, but also want them to also have big dreams. Can you have dreams and not be a dreamer?
I wonder if both of my parents had made me believe that I could do anything, would I have taken a different path in life? Maybe not. When I was a teen, I wanted to be a lawyer and I was told that lawyers didn't have earring up and down their ears like I did. Hmm. Is that the reason I didn't go to law school? I mean, my sister had the same parents as me and she did well in school and is super smart. Did they secretly encourage her or did she just not listen to the negativity? When I tell my kids the realities of life, do they think I am knocking down their dreams?
Great, now I'm going to spend the rest of the day worried that I haven't supported their dreams and they are going to hate their menial jobs and have to go to therapy where they will determine that every bad thing that has happened in their lives could have been avoided if they had a better mother.
Man, sometimes this parenting thing is just hard. No, not just sometimes. All the time. Here's to all you dreamer parents out there.
WHAT?
Wait. Is that directed at me or is it just one of those random poetic thoughts that tweens and teens have? I mean, was this from her old phone or was it recent? I'm wracking my brain trying to think of the last time I hooked up her phone to download photos. Or is this from the Cloud and she wrote it yesterday? She's already left for school so I can't ask her and now I have to wonder for the rest of the day if she thinks that I think that my dreams haven't come true.
I will admit, I am not a dreamer. I don't have lofty goals or big plans. I just want to be alive, be happy and watch my kids do great things. I try to encourage them every day to believe in themselves and their abilities and to have ambition and drive. But, if I'm happy with the status quo, does that mean that they will be too?
I'm sure there are times when I discourage them from doing certain things because I think they will end in complete failure and disappointment. Yes, it's a hard part of parenting to watch your kids fail and be sad or disappointed. But, it's a necessary part of parenting. Kids do need to learn that not everyone can be in first place (unless you play youth rec sports - then everyone gets a trophy no matter if they are undefeated or never won a game).
When I was a kid, I was encouraged by one parent and discouraged by another. I never had the mindset to be wildly successful at anything. I have some talent and skill so I can find a good job. I feel like I am one of those people that is pretty good at a lot of things but not great at any one thing. I don't want my kids to feel that way. I want them to understand reality, but also want them to also have big dreams. Can you have dreams and not be a dreamer?
I wonder if both of my parents had made me believe that I could do anything, would I have taken a different path in life? Maybe not. When I was a teen, I wanted to be a lawyer and I was told that lawyers didn't have earring up and down their ears like I did. Hmm. Is that the reason I didn't go to law school? I mean, my sister had the same parents as me and she did well in school and is super smart. Did they secretly encourage her or did she just not listen to the negativity? When I tell my kids the realities of life, do they think I am knocking down their dreams?
Great, now I'm going to spend the rest of the day worried that I haven't supported their dreams and they are going to hate their menial jobs and have to go to therapy where they will determine that every bad thing that has happened in their lives could have been avoided if they had a better mother.
Man, sometimes this parenting thing is just hard. No, not just sometimes. All the time. Here's to all you dreamer parents out there.
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Old Yeller
When I was a kid, I was not allowed to yell from one room to another to get someone's attention. If I yelled from my room to my sister's room, I would get in trouble. If I yelled from the couch to my mother in the kitchen, I would get punished. It was a huge issue for my mom. She wouldn't tolerate "yelling from room to room". I never knew what the big deal was. I'm here. You're there. I need to ask you something and the quickest way for me to do it is to raise my voice enough so you can hear me from your location.
As is the case with most of the things I didn't see as a problem when I was a teenager, my mother was right again. I just didn't know it until my kids were gifted with Air Pods. Holy Moses are these things on my last nerve. Before, if my kids were listening to something, I could tell because I could see the large headband covering their head or the wires trailing from their ears. Now? I think they are just ignoring me half the time because I can't see those dumb white nubs stuck in their ears. Seriously, they could be five feet from me and not hear me. And if you know me, you know that I am not quiet. How could they not hear me? I can hear me. The neighbors can probably hear me.
So, what Apple magician decided to make these things resistant to a mother's voice? Are they really drowning me out or can they not actually hear me? I think it's the latter, because they can't hear anything I say whether it's "come help with groceries" or "the dog is eating your shoe" or "do you want ice cream for dinner?"
And now I have resorted to yelling again. Even if they are right near me. Because I never know if they are listening to me or Post Malone.
As is the case with most of the things I didn't see as a problem when I was a teenager, my mother was right again. I just didn't know it until my kids were gifted with Air Pods. Holy Moses are these things on my last nerve. Before, if my kids were listening to something, I could tell because I could see the large headband covering their head or the wires trailing from their ears. Now? I think they are just ignoring me half the time because I can't see those dumb white nubs stuck in their ears. Seriously, they could be five feet from me and not hear me. And if you know me, you know that I am not quiet. How could they not hear me? I can hear me. The neighbors can probably hear me.
So, what Apple magician decided to make these things resistant to a mother's voice? Are they really drowning me out or can they not actually hear me? I think it's the latter, because they can't hear anything I say whether it's "come help with groceries" or "the dog is eating your shoe" or "do you want ice cream for dinner?"
And now I have resorted to yelling again. Even if they are right near me. Because I never know if they are listening to me or Post Malone.
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