Oh Sweet Mother Moses, my oldest daughter is thinking about becoming a vegetarian!
It started a few months ago when she gave up beef. Then, she gave up pork (She waited until she ate a Cuban sandwich in Miami before doing it though!)
She's been doing really well with her plan. Unfortunately, the only protein she eats is chicken. No eggs. No fish. No turkey.
So, guess what we eat for dinner nearly every night of the week? Yup, chicken.
Now, I'm not a bad cook, but I'm starting to feel like Bubba in Forrest Gump listing all the types of chicken I've been making. There's teriyaki chicken. Chicken empanadas. Chicken Francese. Chicken Piccata. Chicken cutlets. Buffalo chicken. You get the picture.
But, what the heck am I going to do if this kid really throws in the towel on the meat game and stops eating chicken?
I've been formulating a plan to make her go and live with my father. He's been a vegetarian for more than 30 years and would be the perfect cooking companion for her. But, I like my daughter and wouldn't force her to live with my dad so that plan is out the window. Maybe, I could get him to make her some meals. He likes to make pizza with his "pepperoni" and "sausage". Seriously, dad, if you're going to eat processed meats at least eat REAL meat!
I told her that if she was really serious about this, she'd have to pitch in. I am certainly not cooking two dinners a night. So, she started an instagram page (Vegeteenian) and is now collecting recipes for her new vegetarian lifestyle. She wants to be a chef, but I stymie that dream because her cooking means hours of me cleaning the kitchen when she is done. I guess I will have to cave and let her have at it because I don't know if I can handle another night of chicken or pasta.
Today, she sent me a bazillion texts about cheese and how it's not vegetarian because it has rennet in it and then she began to tell me what rennet was and I told her to stop telling me what is in my food. Believe me, I spent much of my life with a father telling me to "kiss the hot dog before you eat it" because hot dogs are full of pig lips and other parts. Now, I have my kid telling me I can't have gorgonzola on my salad because it contains something from an animal? Come on! She's killing me.
If she becomes a vegan, I will lose my mind.
Tomorrow, for dinner, I'm going to have a bacon burger with four different kinds of cheese. I may fry an egg and put it on top. And I'm going to eat it on bread with extra gluten. She can fend for herself.
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