Higher Standards

Yesterday, I realized that I am not cut out to be the mother of an 8th grader.

I don't really know why I keep putting myself into situations where I have to be in constant contact with tweens and teens (PTA, Girl Scouts, etc) because I just don't get them.
When people say, "Don't you remember what it was like being that age?" I can honestly say "No." I don't remember. Not because it was 30+ years ago, but because it really wasn't a memorable time in my life. And, if 8th grade was anything like it is now, I really don't want to remember it.

I mean, I do remember the people, but not the situations. I don't remember there being a lot of fights in school and bullies and girls dressed like hoochies and kids yelling at teachers. I'm sure when I was 13 everything seemed important and I was probably dramatic and cared what people thought of my acid-washed jeans. But, I don't think it consumed me like it does with so many kids today.

What the heck is going on in our schools and our society? Why is it okay for kids to talk back to adults, disobey rules, shirk responsibility and disrespect themselves, their peers and their elders?

Why don't kids have any punishment or consequences? Why are kids allowed to just do and say whatever they want with no repercussions? WE are the adults here. Why are we not taking charge? Why are we letting our kids come home and tell us stories about fights in their schools every day and letting that information slide off our backs like it's acceptable?

I hear these moms talk about their kids and their groups of friends and say "They're good kids." But, meanwhile, those good kids are in your basement watching fight videos and making fun of one girl's clothes and another boy's sexuality.

I guess my definition of good is different. Being a good kid doesn't mean getting good grades. Being a good kid doesn't mean not committing crimes. It means you're the kind of kid that doesn't exclude a girl from a conversation because she "stole" your boyfriend. It means you're the kind of kid that doesn't push past someone in the locker room because he looked at you funny. When you're a good kid, you don't smile at someone and then talk about them behind their back. You don't make fun of them and say "just kidding." You don't stand around watching kids fight and then later watch it on a Snapchat video.

Is that why we don't do anything about this wave of jerkness running rampant through our neighborhoods. What do I care? My kids are "good". They get good grades. They participate in sports. They work. They volunteer. They don't punch anyone in the cafeteria. Why should it bother me that kids hear cursing and slurs and verbal attacks and sexual innuendo while they may just be trying to get through their jelly sandwich and carrot sticks? Why should I care when I see a student disrespect a teacher? Why should I care that my child is following a kid on Instagram who acts like a hoodlum?

Someone very wise recently told me that the problem in society now is that we keep getting further away from God. I am in complete agreement with that. But, even if you aren't, you've got to believe that we are becoming more and more comfortable with a lack of respect, loose morals and lower standards of values. The people who are acting badly without consequence seem to outweigh the good. Kids see their peers cursing and sassing teachers and not getting in trouble. Kids see their peers not trying hard in class and not caring. Kids see everyone get treated the same way no matter if they deserve that treatment or not. So, why should kids even try? So, I study every night and get good grades and listen to the teacher, but the kid sitting next to me never does his homework and mouths off to the teacher? Huh. He gets to do that and get away with it, so why should I even bother? I don't get special treatment for my hard work, but he gets special attention for being bad?

When kids are bad in school, they get in-school restriction. What the heck is that you ask? Oh, that's the punishment you get for being bad. You get to skip class and go sit in a room and be on your phone all day. Wow. Tough punishment. If I had that in high school instead of after-school detention (or worse, before-school detention), I probably would have gotten in trouble a lot more.

But now, more kids see that the bad behavior is what gets the attention. And they see that bad behavior has no consequence. So what is keeping them from giving up and just becoming the bad kid? More often than not, it's their PARENTS. Yes, you. The people at home that are weaving their moral fiber. When I was a misbehaving child at school. I had a mother who would punish me at home. My friends all had parents like that. If you got in trouble in school, the punishment was usually worse at home! What do we have now? We have parents that fight with school administrators and teachers and demand that their children are treated "fairly." So, the schools back off and let the kids get away with too much. Listen, I don't expect the school to be the only disciplinarian in my child's life, but I certainly expect it to be a place where they feel safe, where they don't have to be subjected to violence and where they know that if they do something wrong, they will be called on it.

We have got to stop catering to the lowest common denominator. We have got to start holding people accountable for bad actions and holding them to higher standards. I know some kids have nothing to look forward to when they go home, so isn't it our job to make sure they have something to look forward to when they get to school? I want my kids to respect authority. If my kid is being a little snot to you, set her straight and then make sure you let me know about it. I have a drawer of wooden spoons waiting.