Figured it out

I've learned the secret to not letting your kids drive you crazy. Oh, you're still reading? You think I really know it? Here it is - simple as can be. Ignore them. Apparently, this is the key to blissful motherhood. Do you not see this nearly everywhere you go? The kids that are screaming and running around and knocking things over and wrestling with each other and putting their filthy hands all over the cookies at the party. Where's their mom? Oh, there she is - over in the corner chatting it up with someone else. Her back is turned, so she doesn't see her children. She's laughing and talking, so she doesn't hear her children. She looks so relaxed, this chick. I think she might even have a tan! I know her nails are done and her hair looks good and I'm sure she just got those highlights in her hair because I don't see any roots. Are those pants actually ironed? When the heck does she find the time? And, wait, why is this other mom looking frazzled? Oh, she's the lady asking the maniacs to stop running around and knocking the little kids over. And they keep screaming and running and she's looking around wondering where their mom is and when the lady's going to rush over and apologize for not tending to her crazy kids. But there's no lady and the crazies just keep running and screaming and the attentive mom is trying so hard to stay patient. That must be why she's got a vein popping out of her forehead. So, there's the secret. It's like the lost fountain of "I could give a crap" and more and more moms seem to be finding it and taking a sip. I'm going to grab a glass.