Wisdom

Your kids really don't care if you give them your undivided attention - until you're on the phone!

A new diet?

I need a doctor – preferably an MD, buy I’ll take a Ph. D. I need someone to put their name behind my new idea. Dr. Tarnower did the Scarsdale diet. Dr. Atkins did that whole South Beach thing. Now, I think the nation is ready for something new – the Dorito Diet. Seriously, if you can eat bacon all day long and lose weight, then why not Doritos? Who’s with me? I say eat ‘em for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They’ve got all sorts of flavors now so there will be plenty of variety. Wash it down with some soda. Midday snack? Chocolate! Totally balanced. Only downside is that you can’t let your kids see you eating. Anyone with me? I think we could make millions!

Gold tooth?

Caty has lost her third tooth - one of the top front ones (yes, that's the scientific name of it). She waited sooo long to lose a tooth, so when it happens it's a big deal around here. She puts it in a little pillow and hangs it on the door and then when she wakes up the tooth fairy leaves money in the pillow pocket as well as a gold dust trail. (Thanks fairy - like I need to clean up glitter!) Anyway, she has gotten like 40 bucks already for this last tooth. You’d think this kid had gold in her mouth. Everywhere she goes, she’s got people giving her money. I remember when my grandfather tried to give me five dollars and my father would get mad and make me give it back. Am I supposed to do that with my kids? My dad just slipped Caty a five and I just smiled as she ran to put it in her piggy bank. She’s got more in her bank than I do in mine! She says she’s saving for Disney. Hey, if she wants to get money from people to pay for an expensive vacation, that’s fine with me!

Hide and Seek

Is this not the best game to play with your kids? I love to play with pre-schoolers the best. Sabrina says: "You go count. I'm going to hide under the table." Why is it that kids don't really want to hide for long? Maybe they don't like the anticipation. Maybe, they need that instant gratification and find the game boring because nothing is happening. You try to make it even more suspenseful - looking in places they couldn't possibly be. You hear them giggling from somewhere, but act like you have no idea where they are. I can't wait until my kids start playing this game outside with their friends. I remember doing that in our neighborhood. You had to have boundaries - otherwise, one kid would be in the alley and another would be around the corner! My favorite is when the girls play hide & seek with Chris. He hides. They're supposed to seek. They get bored. They stop looking. And he's there hiding and waiting and waiting and waiting...

I love this commercial!

I really hope this works since I'm not at all tech-savvy. I'm linking to You Tube so you can see this commercial. It's hysterical. I laugh out loud when I watch it - it's ridiculous! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6dktP33AxI

Rejected

How much rejection can one person take? I know I'm in a business filled with it. You send a story to a magazine - they don't like it. You send a manuscript to an agent - they love it but they need you to send them money in order for them to "get it published." Yeah, sure. So, I've gotten used to rejection. I don't like it, but I know I have no control over someone's likes or dislikes. It's at those times, when you're feeling really low. Your confidence is shot. You don't know whether or not to keep trying. It's then that your child comes up and tells you how much she loves you. Or she tells you that you're the best mom ever or that you're pretty. Oh, how I would have loved that today - a hug from one of the little girls I labored with. A little wink, a smile, something to let me know how great I am. Instead, I got "When is Daddy going to be home?" or "Mom, can you go away so I can play with Grandpa?" or "I want to live with Gammy" or "Aunt Jen is way smarter than you." Talk about feeling like chopped liver. When I got home from a PTA meeting tonight, the house was quiet - both girls were in bed. I was starting to feel a bit sad. I was going to end my night with no hug or kiss or 'I love you' from either one of my two favorite people. Until, Chris comes out of Caty's room and tells me "She wants you. She's just about to fall asleep, but she says she needs you." Me???!!! She needs me? I nearly jump out of my chair to rush into my oldest daughter's bedroom. I brush back the hair from her forehead and kiss the soft skin. And she smiles at me with that missing front tooth and my heart melts. She asks me to read her a story, because I'm a way better reader than Daddy! So, maybe I'll never write a book, but I'll stay happy as long as I can read them to my little girl.

Lingerie

So, I'm reading this article on what your lingerie says about your personality. Apparently, confident and honest women like wearing see-through lingerie. "You've got nothing to hide ... inside and out. Whether or not your body is picture-perfect, your sense of self is super strong. You love sharing your opinion and you hate hiding behind anything -- including your clothes! When you talk, you leave nothing to the imagination, so why should your lingerie?" Hmm, now I've always considered myself pretty honest - nothing to hide. But, except for maybe where excess bleach burned a whole in my underpants, I definitely own nothing see-through! Detail-oriented ladies like coordinated sets. Wear colorful, flashy getups? You probably like attention. Practical women wear sets that can be worn more than once (really, do women buy things to wear only once?) And free spirits go commando. Why I actually clicked on the link to read this article, I don't know. My husband was enjoying the pictures over my shoulder, that's for sure. When it comes to sexy lingerie, there is really none in this house - except for the thong that my daughter's Hannah Montana doll wears! Ick.

Wisdom

When you lecture your child, not matter what you say, all they hear is "Waa Waa," like the adults from Charlie Brown.

I might get arrested

If you see a headline "Crazed mom beats driver at bus stop," the story will most likely be about me. This morning, like every morning, I waited outside with Caty and the neighbor kids for the morning bus. I live on a pretty big road - not a main road - but a long road where people love to drive really fast. Normally, it doesn't bother me because people see the kids and they slow down or they widen their path so they're nowhere near where the kids are standing. (It's three boys and two girls and they play. So all it would take is a slip on the ice or a trip and fall into the road, and...) Anyway, I'm a nice neighbor. I smile at people and tell God how thankful I am for each person that slows down. Except for Escalade Lady. She is the lady I want to beat senseless. And, I'm going to beat her with her cell phone. When this lady drives down the road in her white Escalade, she is flying. She's got to be going about 50. And, she's always on the phone. Always. I'm pretty sure she has her own kids in the car too because she has those little white stickers in her rear window that depict a mom and dad and two kids. So, today, I see her racing down the hill and I start to walk into the road and put a hand out to give her the "slow down" sign. You know, to say "It's okay. You don't have to go so fast. There's a stop sign 1/8 th of a mile away so you need to slow down anyway. You're not having a baby. You're not being called in to clean up a major chemical spill. You don't have to be in such a rush." Of course, Escalade Lady gives me a really nasty look. And, I'm no lip-reader, but I'm pretty sure she was telling me to "Shut Up!" Well, I never! I think is the beginning of a saga, my friends. Let's just hope it doesn't end up with me in the clink and Escalade Lady having surgery to remove the cell phone from her rectum!

Crazy Mom

Wow, if you ever in your life found yourself unstable - think again. After watching a small bit of that interview of the octuplet mom, I wanted to wretch. It was a train wreck - you couldn't help but look away. You know Ann Curry just wanted to smack that woman in the head. "How will you provide for all these children?" the realistic newswoman asks. "I'll love them and hold them," the mom replies. The question "Are you insane?" would be completely rhetorical because it's clear that anyone with six young children who would allow herself to be implanted with eight more is not operating with all engines running. The sperm donor, the doctor - they're nuts too. So, now this woman, who planned on supporting her children by loving and holding them is now seeking online donations. She has a picture of the 8 babies on there (which is good because she can't remember all their names) and is asking for your money. Part of me aches for these poor kids. The money would be for them, wouldn't it? Maybe this lady should just marry Michael Jackson and they can all live happily ever after.

My favorite chef

I'm sitting here typing while I watch Top Chef. This is one reality show that never, ever gets boring. Of course, I have my favorite and my least favorite. I sit here and cross my fingers every week that they'll send Leah home. And today my wish comes true - finally! Yay - Fabio wins the challenge. I love him. Who doesn't love the Italian male? That accent. And, he says his grandmother is the best cook ever? He's awesome! Who wouldn't want that dish cooking their last meal? And, I gotta say, when the show first started, I thought Carla would be gone in the beginning. But, I've been pleasantly surprised by her and find myself rooting for her. Still think Stefan will win the whole deal. But, I must give props to my favorite chef in the entire world... my little sister, Diane. I'm going to post the details on the place where she's working so you can all go and spend money there and maybe go in the kitchen and get the grand tour of the ovens. Eat to live!

Guilty TV Pleasure

So I was watching Nip/Tuck and fast forwarding through the more "risque" parts and it got me thinking about all the television shows that I watch and really shouldn't. I guess it's not just shows that are violent or contain sex. There are probably a ton of things I watch while I could be reading or watching Fox News or doing something to make the world a better place. Okay, Nip/Tuck for sure. I also love that show Rescue Me. I think it's hysterical. But, it's racy. Hmm, America's Next Top Model. I love it. I don't know why. Besides the fact that Nigel Barker is eye candy and Miss Jay is entertaining, I get such a kick out of the models trying to make different faces and then they all end up looking the same. I like iCarly. I could sit and watch it with Caty all afternoon. That Sam is so rude, but she makes me giggle. I don't think I'll ever go so crazy as becoming a Hannah Montana fan, so iCarly is as close as I go. And, if you're talking senseless programming, go no further than MTV. That Real World/Road Rules Challenge is a must-see. I can't really bear to watch the Sweet 16 thing because it makes me sad to see dumb girls driving $100,000 cars! Oh, the Real Housewives of Orange County are great too. New York and Atlanta - not so much, but those Cali girls are a pip. I realize this may make me a horrible person, but I love the show “Intervention.” Sometimes, I throw myself a pity party and get down on life. I need to be thin. I need to have money. I need to be a better mom. I need a cleaner house. I should be a better wife. I should read the Bible every day. I should make healthier meals. And just when I feel really bad, I click the DVR and find an episode of Intervention. I think, “Hey, at least I’m not drinking mouthwash to get drunk!” or “Wow, I could be worse. I could be using my kids’ college money for black tar heroin.” Now, before you get your soapbox out, I don’t mean to poke fun at the poor addicts on the show. I’m just saying it makes my life look a whole lot better.

Driving

Today, as I was driving Caty to school, I noticed a woman driving, shall we say, right up my rear end!!! This lasted a few miles. She didn’t get my hints. I slowed down a bit. I did the tap-tap of the brake lights. I even did the half turn over the shoulder accompanied by the evil eye. Doesn’t that normally work? So, why didn’t she see it? Oh, because she was texting! Yes, texting. Like some 16-year-old girl who needs to know what her friends are doing at every minute of the day. I finally noticed when she pulled up next to me at a light and I smacked myself in the forehead to let her know what I thought of that! Women, come on! I know we all think we’re good drivers, but what are the odds? You say “Well, I haven’t been in an accident.” Right, but how many have you caused? How often have you been yelled at, given the finger or laughed at by your husband because you did something a good driver wouldn’t do? Could we at least agree that you might be a better driver if you paid more attention to what you were doing and didn’t talk on the phone or text people? In this state, using a phone (unless it’s hands free) is illegal. Granted, people rarely get caught for this violation. But, if it was harmful enough to make a law about it, don’t you think you can refrain from doing it when you’re on the road with your kids in the car? Believe me, I am sometimes an offender. When I worked, I was known to talk on the phone, take notes during an interview and smoke a cigarette while driving 80 on Interstate 684. But that was back in my early 20s when I was an idiot. I’ve changed. I swear. Now, if I must take a call and can’t pull over, I put it on speakerphone and yell into my lap! Of course, on the way home from school, the lady behind me was on the phone too. She had a lot of paperwork that she kept messing with so she might have been doing someone’s taxes during her commute. In my mind, I stopped at a red light, got out of the car, told her to roll down her window, took her phone and threw it into the woods. Who knows? One day, I might really do it. So, fair warning. I drive a silver Honda Odyssey with a Miami Dolphins sticker in the back window. Stay back!

I wasted free time

Yesterday was a freebie and I wasted it. I feel bad about it because I know tons of moms would do anything to have the opportunity for some alone time. Chris took the girls down to Yonkers for the whole day. What could I have done? Read a book, soaked my feet, taken a bath - whatever. What did I do? I re-organized the linen closet and underneath the kitchen sink. I did research and wrote a couple of articles that are overdue. I watched reruns of America's Next Top Model (the ones with Jade, who everyone seems to hate!) I sat and made myself think about what I would like to do with all this free time. Problem was, I couldn't really think of anything! What is wrong with me??? I know right now you feel like smacking me upside the head! I'm sorry. I wish I could have donated this free time to a mom who would actually use it and enjoy it. Instead, I felt lost. What the heck are you supposed to do when your kids aren't around? I mean, my life is so consumed by being a mom that I don't know how to be anything else. I'm not the person I used to be. I used to have fun. I used to be fun. I used to laugh and be crazy. Oh, where did I go?

Wisdom

When kids say watch me, don’t even look away for a split second (or blink) because that is the exact moment when they will check to make sure you’re looking at them.

Saying No

Why is it that I can say No to my kids a zillion times a day but not to other people? You read so many advice columns that tell you to say no to commitments and free your schedule of unecessary things. Saying No is easier said than done. Sometimes, I feel bad about disappointing someone. I put myself in their shoes and wonder "How would I feel if someone said 'no' to me?" Sometimes, I just don't want to say no. I like having things to do. Don't you notice the day goes faster when you're busy? Don't you feel so much better when you've accomplished something? I can't be the woman who watches Dr. Phil and Oprah and Ellen and Martha and Judge Judy. Yesterday, I learned that the 4H group that Caty was going to join would not start up. Crazy me starts thinking of ways I can start it. Caty's Brownie troop isn't as active as others in the area. Crazy me signs up to take a leadership class so I can be a leader and start a new troop. Last week, I get a message from an editor asking for an article on something that I know nothing about with an extremely tight deadline. Crazy me, who still has three articles due for another magazine, says "Sure, I'll do it." The girls need valentines for school, their friends, the kids at the library, etc. Crazy me thinks we should make them instead of buying them at the store. I could go on and on. Maybe it's not about saying No. Maybe I'm bored. Maybe I'm trying to fill some hole in my life with the wrong things. Maybe, I need to start saying NO to myself.

The Beginning

When blogging first became the rage, I didn't get the point. I didn't think I'd be interested in what other people have to say. Boy, was I wrong. I always thought I had all the answers, but as my kids and my marriage (and I) get older, I realize all I have are questions. I call the blog Mom Unglued because that is what I am. Glue is what holds things together. My life is being held in place by a broken paper clip, a piece of electrical tape, and some spit. I am all over the place. I'm wearing too many hats - some of them I don't even like - and need to find some hooks to hang them on. So, if you're like me - finding that listening to other people helps you realize you're not alone - please continue to visit.